a serious interjection: on solitude

I found myself craving their voices, laughter. I wanted to be in a room and know someone was near me. I wanted my nephew's loud, yet shockingly beautiful voice to fill my ears. I wanted my mom in the kitchen and the smell of her cooking to fill the house. I spent a week surrounded by my family and I loved it.

But then I get this ache. This ache in myself of which part of me feels ashamed. I lovelovelove my family, but after a few days, a piece of me starts to need solitude. This is who I am.

So I bid farewell to my favorite people in the world and said I had to leave for no other reason than to relax, alone. They love and know me well enough to understand and let me go.

 (image)

I drove home and entered my beautifully quiet house. I threw my bags on the ground and laced up my running shoes and clocked 4 easy, sunny, relaxing miles. I didn't have to explain to anyone how I needed these miles - I just did them. I planned 3 ambitious (but not too ambitious) and healthy (but not too healthy) meals for myself. I headed to my favorite food stores where I took an obscene amount of time to browse the produce aisles and comment to complete strangers on the beauty of the apples. They agreed.

I chatted with the man at the fish counter and told him I needed tilapia for one. He picked out the best filet for me. I know the folks at the bakery. They laughed when I told them how much I enjoyed the last cupcake I bought there and offered me free samples of Irish Soda bread drowned in butter while we decided what cupcake I needed tonight. Double chocolate for the win. I lingered, picked out a nice bottle of wine, and headed home alone. I showered, threw on my rattiest and comfiest pajamas, and turned on HGTV. 

When alone, I do these things without thinking. They bring me joy, despite their ridiculousness. When I'm around other people I worry about what they would think that I wear my PJ's and pour myself a glass of wine at 5 in the afternoon. Alone, I do it and I am happy.

After an hour on the couch I rise to start the slow and therapeutic process of cooking myself dinner. There will be too much food and most people would probably just get take out, but I love this process. Chopping and whisking. Transforming separate ingredients into something wonderful. I have a chocolate cupcake waiting for me and I don't have to share it. This is the perfect evening. I need this.

A Serious Interjection: there is nothing wrong or shameful about needing moments alone. They refuel me, refresh me, and most importantly, make me happy. As I write this post I am still reveling in my alone-ness. And, when I turn on the TV to watch the Pioneer Woman at 10 on a Saturday morning while baking unnecessary treats and drinking too much black coffee I will not feel ashamed or guilty - I will simply feel happy.


 --
Previous serious interjections:
on perfection 
on disappointment 
on persistence

what i ate wednesday: issue 72

 Figure 1. Breakfast: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk. My snack (un-pictured) was a sliced Gala apple sprinkled with cinnamon.

Figure 2. Lunch: a version of my favorite green smoothie without the peanut butter and with a little added xanthan gum for thickening power (~1/4 tsp) with a side of carrots and peanut butter.

Figure 3. Afternoon snack: pretzel sticks and an (un-pictured) Red Gala apple.

Figure 4. Pre-dinner munchies: my favorite beer (Sierra Nevada pale ale) with a handful of blue corn chips and salsa. I am on Spring Break, after all, and that calls for beer on a Tuesday....

Figure 5. Dinner: shredded chicken tacos in a whole wheat tortilla topped with cheese, avocado, spinach, tomatoes, onions, salsa, and Greek yogurt alongside roasted broccoli. I also had chocolate-peanut butter Arctic Zero (un-pictured) for dessert.

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, March 11).

weekend review: the zero calorie margarita

Figure 1. Friday night's dinner: balsamic salmon, roasted butternut squash with rosemary and balsamic vinegar, and roasted broccoli with Parmesan.

Figure 2. Sunday night's cocktail: a margarita made with this Stevia-sweetened zero calories mix. I was skeptical, but this was delicious!

Figure 3. Out of the oven: a ham, cheese, and green onion quiche with a hash brown crust courtesy of mom.

Figure 4. Sunday night's dinner (please excuse the awkward half-eaten extreme closeup): ham and cheese quiche, a salad with homemade tarragon-mustard vinaigrette, and a french baguette dipped in olive oil and spices.

my current blog crushes

I have this list of blogs that I visit everyday. My favorite part of the day, in fact, is a quiet morning spent reading blog posts over black coffee and cereal. At any given point in time, however, I have a handful of blogs with which I am completely obsessed and quietly stalk from the comfort of my laptop. Here are my current blog crushes....

{never} homemaker

healthy + balance + whole living

This lovely blog includes delicious recipes (always vegan, always healthy, sometimes indulgent) that are creative and practical and healthy living and running advice from a seasoned and self-made marathon runner, Ashely.

Back to Her Roots

This blog is so real I can't get over it. Its author, Cassie, lost a remarkable amount of weight through healthy living and started this blog to document her journey. Back to Her Roots includes healthy recipes (which I make regularly), Cassie's weekly accountability updates, hilarious confessions, words of inspiration, and beautiful photography.

How Sweet It Is

for people who, like, totally love food

Jessica of How Sweet It Is is a genius. I secretly wish I had her life, which consists of creating extravagant and creative dishes and desserts and documenting them daily in her blog. Her recipes aren't always the 'healthiest', but they are always (always) absolutely delicious. I mean just look at these cupcakes....

Pinch of Yum

Pinch of Yum is a fairly new blog love of mine. This blog is created by Jessica, who lives in the Philippines with her husband and shares her healthy and creative, easy, and delicious creations. Not to mention her kick ass photography and intermittent stories of her international journey.

what i ate wednesday: issue 71

 Figure 1. Breakfast & mid-morning snack: I fear I forgot to take pictures yesterday morning, but here are the empty dishes for proof. For breakfast I had puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk. My snack was a sliced Gala apple sprinkled with cinnamon.

Figure 2. Lunch:a spinach salad topped with tomatoes, mushrooms, sprouts, cottage cheese, slivered almonds, and golden raisins.

Figure 3. Afternoon snack: a cocoa loco chewy bar.

Figure 4. Dinner: a couscous-veggie-sausage (delicious) mess. I browned I link of spicy chicken sausage, sauteed an onion, mushrooms, zucchini, and yellow squash in the same pan in a bit of olive oil, Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. When tender, I added ~1/2 cup marinara sauce and a cup of cooked couscous and mixed it all together. Yum!

Figure 5. Dessert: chocolate Chex.

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, March 5).

weekend review: a new dinner favorite

Figure 1. Friday night's dinner: spinach and cheese quinoa casserole and healthy collard greens.

I froze half of this casserole last time I made it and reheated the remainder for a quick Friday night dinner - it reheated wonderfully. And, I finally finished making the infamous collards that were the cause of last week's finger injury. All fingers remained intact this time around...

 Figure 2. Sunday night's dinner: chicken and mushrooms in garlic white wine sauce and brussels sprouts roasted in coconut oil.

This is one of Cooking Light's best 'Superfast' dishes and I agree. It is certainly going into the rotation and completely worth splurging on fresh tarragon and a bottle of white wine - it makes the dish! A new dinner favorite.

confessions of an imperfect perfectionist

Confession 1.

I cut off the tip of my finger cooking dinner on Saturday night. I kid you not. A trip to urgent care, tetanus shot, and two near-passing out episodes happened. Wine, careless collard green chopping, and a freshly sharpened knife do not mix well.

Confession 2.

I have the most amazing family. During this fairly traumatic experience:

• My mom coached me through the immediate post-cut procedures (apply that pressure!).
• My boyfriend drove me to urgent care and held my (other) hand through the pain of wound cleaning.
• My dad stayed on the phone with me while I changed my wound dressing to ensure I didn't pass out.
• And my brother and sister-in-law sent me this finger guard in the mail last night. Hilarious (and practical, apparently).