But, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I needed to give my experience from yesterday a voice. A voice because I know that this happens to many of you and we don't talk about it. We feel ashamed, embarrassed, and out of control. I feel these things too, but balls to the wall here is 'What I ate Wednesday: the binge day'.
The day started normally enough, with a typical breakfast of cereal and fruit and a lunch of leftover healthy broccoli salad made with Greek yogurt.
I even managed to have a healthy and filling snack of Greek yogurt and a carefully measured tablespoon of peanut butter.
My day was stressful. Like tear your hair out stressful. In fact, right now my life is more stressful than it has ever been and I can't workout because I have a stress fracture in my heel from over-running and I am struggling with how to deal with it every.single.day. I am in panic mode. Some days, I am ok. But, yesterday I came home at five in the afternoon with an overwhelmed feeling of not knowing what to do with myself and my severely anxious energy. So, I thought a glass of wine and a bowl of cereal would comfort me.
It didn't. It didn't because my emotions are so much deeper and so much stronger than a bowl of f*cking cereal.
But, at the moment I didn't know that and I thought a second bowl would do the trick. Well, my friends - it turned into a massive sh*t show of granola + cereal + yogurt + peanut butter + cool whip and I can't even talk about the details. Like eating directly out of the container-style. Easter candy may have been involved. I'm not even kidding. You know, right? You've been there, right?
In the end, I felt nothing but gross and exhausted and passed out at 8 PM feeling not better, but worse. Much worse. Ashamed, guilty, worse.
Today, I have choices. But, I have decided to move on. I (god knows why) will publish this awkward and way-too-truthful post for the world to know my weakness (ok I know why because someone has to talk about it and it might as well be me). I could eat 0 calories and work out like a beast to compensate for my binge. But, no. I won't.
I just ate my normal breakfast and will focus on hydration, fresh food, and treating my body with respect. Yesterday, I abused my body. Today, I need to be nice. Super duper nice. Nice in the form of water, and vegetables, fruit, and lean protein. Moderate exercise and sunshine. Finally, I need to spend time reflecting on the emotions behind the binge. It isn't food that is the problem (or solution) at all. It is something deeper, something larger. I need to explore this and more than anything I owe it to myself to move on. I am okay. If this speaks to you and you find yourself in this situation today or in the future - you are okay, too.
And this, my friends, is what I ate Tuesday, April 16.