what i ate wednesday: the binge

I wasn't going to post today. I'm embarrassed, people. 

But, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I needed to give my experience from yesterday a voice. A voice because I know that this happens to many of you and we don't talk about it. We feel ashamed, embarrassed, and out of control. I feel these things too, but balls to the wall here is 'What I ate Wednesday: the binge day'.

The day started normally enough, with a typical breakfast of cereal and fruit and a lunch of leftover healthy broccoli salad made with Greek yogurt.

I even managed to have a healthy and filling snack of Greek yogurt and a carefully measured tablespoon of peanut butter.

My day was stressful. Like tear your hair out stressful. In fact, right now my life is more stressful than it has ever been and I can't workout because I have a stress fracture in my heel from over-running and I am struggling with how to deal with it every.single.day. I am in panic mode. Some days, I am ok. But, yesterday I came home at five in the afternoon with an overwhelmed  feeling of not knowing what to do with myself and my severely anxious energy. So, I thought a glass of wine and a bowl of cereal would comfort me.

It didn't. It didn't because my emotions are so much deeper and so much stronger than a bowl of f*cking cereal. 

But, at the moment I didn't know that and I thought a second bowl would do the trick. Well, my friends - it turned into a massive sh*t show of granola + cereal + yogurt + peanut butter + cool whip and I can't even talk about the details. Like eating directly out of the container-style. Easter candy may have been involved. I'm not even kidding. You know, right? You've been there, right?

In the end, I felt nothing but gross and exhausted and passed out at 8 PM feeling not better, but worse. Much worse. Ashamed, guilty, worse.

Today, I have choices. But, I have decided to move on. I (god knows why) will publish this awkward and way-too-truthful post for the world to know my weakness (ok I know why because someone has to talk about it and it might as well be me). I could eat 0 calories and work out like a beast to compensate for my binge. But, no. I won't. 

I just ate my normal breakfast and will focus on hydration, fresh food, and treating my body with respect. Yesterday, I abused my body. Today, I need to be nice. Super duper nice. Nice in the form of water, and vegetables, fruit, and lean protein. Moderate exercise and sunshine. Finally, I need to spend time reflecting on the emotions behind the binge. It isn't food that is the problem (or solution) at all. It is something deeper, something larger. I need to explore this and more than anything I owe it to myself to move on. I am okay. If this speaks to you and you find yourself in this situation today or in the future - you are okay, too.

And this, my friends, is what I ate Tuesday, April 16.

what i ate wednesday: issue 76

 Figure 1. Breakfast: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk and coffee.

Figure 2. Morning treat: a coconut Kevita. Have you guys discovered this yet? It is 100% delicious and makes my tummy happy! Comment if you have tried other flavors, this is one of the few my local store offers (I don't have a Whole Foods in my area)...

Figure 3. Lunch: a green smoothie bowl (frozen banana, almond milk, spinach, cocoa powder, vanilla protein powder, xanthan gum) topped with Fiber One chocolate cereal and slivered almonds.

Figure 4. Dinner: two slices of Ezekiel sprouted grains toast topped with smashed avocado and kosher salt alongside roasted broccoli and ketchup.

Figure 5. Dessert: Stuft Fro-Yo (make this now if you want your life to be complete). Mine was 3/4 cup plain Greek yogurt mixed with 8 grams of sugar free white chocolate pudding mix, 4 drops of liquid Stevia, and 1 tsp of vanilla combined with chocolate PB2 (2 T mixed with 2 T water) and 1/4 cup cool whip free. Mixed it all together and threw it in the freezer for an hour and topped with Fiber One chocolate cereal. Delicious, high in protein, and filling. Do it....

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, April 9).

what i ate wednesday: issue 75

 Figure 1. Breakfast: my usual (un-pictured) cereal mix of puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk, coffee, and this sparkling coconut water.

Figure 2. Morning snack: plain Greek yogurt, slivered almonds, and cinnamon.

Figure 3. Lunch: this frozen shepherd's pie on top of raw spinach. This is a new brand for me and it was really delicious and filing.

Figure 4. Dinner: steamed broccoli tossed in olive oil and coconut aminos, an Amy's Sonoma burger, a mix of leftover rice and couscous topped with peanuts, and a glass of wine.

Figure 5. Dessert: a bowl of Fiber One chocolate cereal and peanuts. Can you find my sweet little pup's nose in the background? :)

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, April 2).

what i ate wednesday: issue 74

 Figure 1. Breakfast AKA my bowl of slop: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk.

Figure 2. Morning snack: cottage cheese, applesauce, slivered almonds, and cinnamon.

Figure 3. Lunch: Amy's frozen vegetable korma on top of raw spinach.

Figure 4. Lunch dessert: a slim-fast snack bar, double-dutch chocolate. Judge away, if you want, but these are 100 calories of candy bar goodness that satisfy my ever-present and raging sweet tooth without too much caloric damage.

Figure 5. Dinner: baked chicken topped with leftover red pepper pesto, roasted eggplant, and leftover polenta.

 Figure 6. Dessert: 130 calorie chocolate peanut butter mug cake topped with whipped cream. Delicious!

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Monday, March 26).

what i ate wednesday: issue 73

 Figure 1. Breakfast: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk.

Figure 2. Morning snack #1: a sliced Gala apple sprinkled with cinnamon.

Figure 3. Morning snack #2: one of Chobani's new Flips. Yum!

Figure 4. Lunch: a spinach salad topped with leftover baked eggs and ketchup (baked with cottage cheese, feta, bacon, and green onion).

Figure 5. Dinner: a Quorn 'chicken' patty, leftover rice pilaf, and roasted broccoli.

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Monday, March 18).

what i ate wednesday: issue 72

 Figure 1. Breakfast: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk. My snack (un-pictured) was a sliced Gala apple sprinkled with cinnamon.

Figure 2. Lunch: a version of my favorite green smoothie without the peanut butter and with a little added xanthan gum for thickening power (~1/4 tsp) with a side of carrots and peanut butter.

Figure 3. Afternoon snack: pretzel sticks and an (un-pictured) Red Gala apple.

Figure 4. Pre-dinner munchies: my favorite beer (Sierra Nevada pale ale) with a handful of blue corn chips and salsa. I am on Spring Break, after all, and that calls for beer on a Tuesday....

Figure 5. Dinner: shredded chicken tacos in a whole wheat tortilla topped with cheese, avocado, spinach, tomatoes, onions, salsa, and Greek yogurt alongside roasted broccoli. I also had chocolate-peanut butter Arctic Zero (un-pictured) for dessert.

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, March 11).

what i ate wednesday: issue 71

 Figure 1. Breakfast & mid-morning snack: I fear I forgot to take pictures yesterday morning, but here are the empty dishes for proof. For breakfast I had puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk. My snack was a sliced Gala apple sprinkled with cinnamon.

Figure 2. Lunch:a spinach salad topped with tomatoes, mushrooms, sprouts, cottage cheese, slivered almonds, and golden raisins.

Figure 3. Afternoon snack: a cocoa loco chewy bar.

Figure 4. Dinner: a couscous-veggie-sausage (delicious) mess. I browned I link of spicy chicken sausage, sauteed an onion, mushrooms, zucchini, and yellow squash in the same pan in a bit of olive oil, Italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. When tender, I added ~1/2 cup marinara sauce and a cup of cooked couscous and mixed it all together. Yum!

Figure 5. Dessert: chocolate Chex.

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, March 5).

what i ate wednesday: issue 70

 Figure 1. Breakfast: puffed wheat + All Bran + cocoa powder + banana + milk.

Figure 2. Mid-morning treat: my first, ever Kombucha. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this!

Figure 3. Lunch: green smoothie in a bowl (spinach + banana + dark cocoa powder + almond milk + ice) alongside carrots and peanut butter.

Figure 4. Afternoon snack: vegetable chips from the Fresh Market.

Figure 5. Dinner: salad mania (spinach, fennel, grape tomatoes, raw zucchini, cottage cheese, sprouts, trail mix, parmesan cheese, balsamic vinegar, and agave nectar).

Figure 6. Dessert: chocolate....

And that concludes another What I Ate Wednesday (featuring what I ate Tuesday, February 27).